I can't lie, reading barl's substack makes me feel violently ill and for that reason i feel that she's onto something. more recently when she describes different connective forms as demonic/angelic patterns i'm understanding it as a way of flattening happenings in now-time. so when you have • that's a thing in itself, then •–• is a cause,
1 – 2
| /
3
is a cause-and-effect pattern (whichever elements are cause-and-effect depends on which way you look at it? e.g. 1-2 and 3, 1-3 and 2, 2-3 and 1), then
1 – 2
| / |
3 – 4
which is cause-effect (1-2-3) and an after-state (4).
Then reality is constructed as a network out of these forms. I get the sense reading a recent post that events are constructed non-linearly as well (effect can produce cause).
>>the dream was this bleary white light, and this strange black/grey warbly ‘line’ would move from center, to left, to center, to right, to center — for years; years and years watching this line move in this white void
>>The network speaks to me. How could it not?
>>It could also be information impregnation; it could be that Boogiepop and Others was communicating my life to me by creating cause to explain this supernatural effect. The vein network injected “me being fried in a hot car as a child seeing boogiepop in a death dream” to explain me finding meaning in episode 10 of Boogiepop and Others in the present
>>Patterning like this happens constantly, through a phenomenon that seems just like thought-scanning & memory-inventing. I:m writing about it in idolatrous form (through the vein network, which I think strictly is benevolent to me), but it happens in social form, too (example: I started being open about my animal-sex-trauma-bestialism memories, & suddenly the server adjusts itself to inject animal-sex-trauma-bestialism memories into others that communicate with me, supposedly to make me confused about reality).
There's more here I'm trying to feel around, like the way that an anime or VN can briefly form a direct tap into the network (opening a vein) which is direct communication w/ divinity. ofc i want to say that's just schiz-ideas-of-reference kind of thing but that's a way for me to cope w/ having the same kind of experience.
I might be really off with this but Im very curious about it. It feels voyeuristic of me to read her posts like this and makes me feel bad like I can't or shouldn't ask her about it. i hope she doesn't have cancer.