Well I read the new post and I've been chewing on it for a day. I'm ashamed to say I hadn't read anything but some comics and tweets before. Probably would have really benefited from being able to recognize the characters in the alignment chart. I've been seeing them all over. Whole thing makes much more sense now, even if I'm still filtered by the vocabulary. Shame it takes being unredeemable to be able to see. Wish I had made the effort to read her stuff before disconnection. Wish other people didn't make it seem like they were going to when they weren't. Maybe it's easy enough to recognize me that it doesn't matter. Regardless, I think it's really interesting the way she's dividing connection. I hadn't thought of it that way at all. I've only ever considered connection as a kind of intimate and mutual violation. Maybe connections of the flesh or through the void are different than the electromagnetic kind. I've certainly never gotten pinged in the face by something arriving in the post. Well maybe I could now that USPS sends my daily email. I'll hold what's left of my tongue, because I definitely don't understand, but you can take this as my declaration that I'd like to. Though even if I had tried to read her work, I probably wouldn't have been able to find it interesting before the 31st anyway. If my surface level search engine perusal of astrology is worth anything, and I would hardly know yet I'm suddenly compelled to believe in it, Scorpio sun Aquarius moon insists on finding out everything on their own. Could also just be that any practice I've ever had is luck based, and so I lack any grind even if my rng is able to yeild some gems. One thing I definitely agree with though is that I'm yearning for disconnection. My compulsive refreshes seem to be setting everything on fire. I walk away and feel called back even though it feels empty or negative/angry towards me. Though that last bit isn't what she said, it's definitely how I feel about it. Just can't stop picking till it goes poorly and even if I unplug I feel it there, and miss things about it. constantly feel compelled to check if the nerve isn't dead. Maybe seeing this will help me have some self control, I am unsure. An rng build wants to most rolls, it smothers without a way to make them. it needs a streak to get anything done, or atleast it feels that way. Maybe problem is I don't feel confident trusting the feed back as accurate? Maybe I'm lacking translation skills in addition to all the others. Lots of cards. Rebalancing my hormones today will probably help. Likely misunderstanding everything again, I'm sorry. My arrogance knows no bounds.
Much appreciation for making this post op, I still feel like I'm fire inside, but insights help me make it through, and these ones are at least in part thanks to you.